TALENT OVERSTOCK : DAILY: OPEN LETTERS

Friday

AN OPEN LETTER TO CHRIS TUCKER

AN OPEN LETTER TO:

CHRIS TUCKER

Dearest Christopher,

I remember watching you on Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam back in 1992 and thinking, at the age of 13, this guy is going to be a star. And you did. You have, arguably, two of the best sets in the history of Def Comedy Jam. It's been 16 years since I was first introduced to you and 13 years since you became a household name. So why do I only have ten Chris Tucker movies on my shelf?

And only six of them are starring or co-starring roles....three of which are Rush Hour movies.

So what gives? I remember hearing a rumor years ago that you stopped making movies because you made a decision to no longer curse. Okay, I can respect that, I braced myself to never see 'Smokey' again.

But in the past ten years, you've done nothing but Rush Hour movies. Why? Is 'Detective James Carter' the only character that's come across your desk that doesn't use profanity?

Listen, don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for the few times you've graced me with your presence. But I need more. You were my favorite comedian (before I discovered Dave Chappelle in 98'). Where are you? What are you doing? Come back!!

Now I know beggars can't be choosers, but I still have a few stipulations:

REQUEST #1:

NO MORE SEQUELS!!

I love you, but I can not watch another Rush Hour movie. I just can't. I only saw the last two because I needed a Tucker fix and you hadn't done anything non-Rush Hour since 97' (Jackie Brown), and you were only in one scene.

And while we're on the subject of sequels, I don't want to read in Variety that you're doing a Money Talks 2 and PLEASE GOD not a Friday 4. I will disown you, if you sign on to do Friday 4.

REQUEST #2:

GIMME MORE STAND-UP!!!

I miss seeing you on stage Chris. You're hilarious! Can I get an HBO special? I'll even settle for an anonymous tip that you're going up at the Laugh Factory on a Sunday night. Just something. If you need a reminder of how great you can be, look at these:

REQUEST #3:

DO SOME DRAMA TOO!!

I know you're a comedian at heart, but some of your best work was as 'Skip' in Dead Presidents.

Let's kick it into high gear Chris! If you need help picking projects, I'm here for you. (For a consulting fee and Producer credit on the films, of course). I'm not running some non-profit 'Save the Millionaire Actors Foundation'.

Call me if you need me. I miss you,

Yup, that's me. And yes, I know it's kinda creepy that I have this, but...whatever.

-Amber Bickham

Wednesday

AN OPEN LETTER TO EDDIE MURPHY

AN OPEN LETTER TO
EDDIE MURPHY.....

Hey Eddie,

It was really great seeing you at Chris Rock's show a few weeks ago. Chris always delivers, doesn't he?! Anyway, I'm writing you because, while it was great hanging out, there were so many things left unsaid.....

I miss you Eddie. I miss the joy you brought into my life. I guess what I'm trying to say is......I miss you making Rated R movies. It's been NINE YEARS since you shot Life....and to tell you the truth....I didn't really like it.

I've held my tongue long enough. Are you ever coming 'back'? I hear rumors every year that you're coming 'back' and you're going to start by first hitting the stage. Is this true?

This constant waiting is bringing out the worst in me. Last night while I was watching TV, I became overcome with jealousy, because I realized that not only did you leave me with no warning, you left me for CHILDREN.

Don't get me wrong, most of those movies were funny and you constantly reminded us that you're still a comedic genius, especially in The Nutty Professor.

But aren't you tired of talking to animals, children and yourself in every movie? Wouldn't you like to yell, tell dirty jokes and curse again?

Now, I know you've made a lot of money on all those PG-13 movies, but it's time to come home Eddie. I miss you. We all miss you. So come home Eddie. Come home.