Dearest Christopher,

I remember watching you on Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam back in 1992 and thinking, at the age of 13, this guy is going to be a star. And you did. You have, arguably, two of the best sets in the history of Def Comedy Jam. It's been 16 years since I was first introduced to you and 13 years since you became a household name. So why do I only have ten Chris Tucker movies on my shelf?

And only six of them are starring or co-starring roles....three of which are Rush Hour movies.

So what gives? I remember hearing a rumor years ago that you stopped making movies because you made a decision to no longer curse. Okay, I can respect that, I braced myself to never see 'Smokey' again.

But in the past ten years, you've done nothing but Rush Hour movies. Why? Is 'Detective James Carter' the only character that's come across your desk that doesn't use profanity?

Listen, don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for the few times you've graced me with your presence. But I need more. You were my favorite comedian (before I discovered Dave Chappelle in 98'). Where are you? What are you doing? Come back!!

Now I know beggars can't be choosers, but I still have a few stipulations:



I love you, but I can not watch another Rush Hour movie. I just can't. I only saw the last two because I needed a Tucker fix and you hadn't done anything non-Rush Hour since 97' (Jackie Brown), and you were only in one scene.

And while we're on the subject of sequels, I don't want to read in Variety that you're doing a Money Talks 2 and PLEASE GOD not a Friday 4. I will disown you, if you sign on to do Friday 4.



I miss seeing you on stage Chris. You're hilarious! Can I get an HBO special? I'll even settle for an anonymous tip that you're going up at the Laugh Factory on a Sunday night. Just something. If you need a reminder of how great you can be, look at these:



I know you're a comedian at heart, but some of your best work was as 'Skip' in Dead Presidents.

Let's kick it into high gear Chris! If you need help picking projects, I'm here for you. (For a consulting fee and Producer credit on the films, of course). I'm not running some non-profit 'Save the Millionaire Actors Foundation'.

Call me if you need me. I miss you,

Yup, that's me. And yes, I know it's kinda creepy that I have this, but...whatever.

-Amber Bickham


Anonymous said...

I'll say it, DAMMIT CURSE AGAIN MUFFUCCA! please... i dont only wanna see u in disney movies or the next daddy day care... please dont go that route.
~ a fan
Damein B

Nicky said...

First of all, welcome back. You've been missed Miss Bickham. Second, I think that Chris has made is dough and is over Hollywood. We're only going to see Chris again when he needs another quick 100 mil. If the price is right, we may unfortunately see trailers for Money Talks 2 and Friday 4. Mr. Tucker seems to favor quantity ($) over quality.

He's still fine though....and Amber, you look like you were on top of the world in that photo! lol Sooo cute!!!

Paul Lewallen said...

This letter is so funny! I like your advice!

Naijha/THELANDofKUSH said...

I am so feeling that letter, Amber! You were speaking my language...took the words right out of my mouth. Great job!